Then, this afternoon while sitting at the park with my kids, reading "Driven to Distraction" by Doctors Edward M Hallowell, and John J Ratey, I realized that I did in fact have something to talk about. Heck, I've had something to talk about since the day, almost five years ago, when I began seriously dating my now (soon to be) husband. That was the day ADHD entered my life.
Even if no one ever reads this blog, and these words are just absently floating about the world wide web like so much of the other junk that clogs up useful information that people want to read; it's ok. At least I can get my thoughts and feelings out somehow and not have them bubbling inside me like the heartburn one experiences after stupidly eating week old chili. You can't talk about ADHD with someone who HAS ADHD because to them it's like you're berating them, and it's just another reminder to them how "damaged" they are. So obviously, there's no one in my own house I can vent to about my feelings, or even information I come across in my constant quest for new ideas in dealing with ADHD.
I should probably provide a little bit of background on myself, as well as my family. I became a fairly young mom at the age of 21. I was married to my daughter's father, but it was short lived. Marriages don't tend to work out when one partner wants to keep their genitals within the sanctity of the marriage, and the other wants to spread their "wealth" with others. We didn't even make it last to the birth of our beautiful daughter. However, I met The Husband when J was about nine months old, and began dating him a month or so (dates, times, etc are a bit hazy, and really not that important) later. If memory serves, he was pretty open about his ADHD right from the start, but seemed to have it fairly together, although looking back I realize just how much of a mess he was. But I have a tendency to fall for the "messes" because I can see that person inside of them, the person who has their shit together, who desperately wants a chance to show themselves. I won't get into the details because he'll probably be pissed off that I called him a "mess" if he reads this, let alone open his closet of skeletons for all to read about... so I won't. But I will say, that after about a year together, and finding out I was pregnant, he finally gave in and got back on meds. I won't say things have been, or are currently, perfect since his getting medicated.... there are still "symptoms" that the medicine doesn't seem to touch that cause a great deal of frustration on my and his parts, along with the feelings of worthlessness and of being a total failure on his. However, he really has come a long way. He's now a pretty successful "handyman" running his own one man business. I'm lucky enough that I can work part time for my parents and go to school, while he brings in enough money to financially support us.
This blog really isn't about The Husband and HIS ADHD though. I'm sure it'll come up from time to time in my writings, but what I'm really looking to get out is my journey with my now OFFICIALLY diagnosed ADHD daughter. J is five. We've been seeing a therapist since she was four for some bizarre behaviors she was exhibiting at the time. None of those behaviors seem to really show up in symptom books I've read on ADHD, but I'm sure there is some correlation somewhere out there.
J was accepted into special education preschool through our local school district for struggles with speech, cognitive, and social skills when she was not quite three. She began preschool in August of 2009 at three and a half. From the get-go she struggled following simple instructions, as well as learning simple routines. These issues continued throughout the school year, and into the next with very little improvement and mounting other problems as expectations rose to match those of her classmates. She had problems focusing, best described by many as being "flaky" and struggled following "social ques" of her classmates. Basically, it can be said that J lived in her own world most of the time. She would sit NEXT to other students and play beside them, and interact with them if they initiated conversation, but otherwise she was content to just do her own thing. When these problems were brought up with her therapist, as well as issues of similar that we were experiencing at home, Jane (therapist) determined J had the minimum amount of markers necessary for an ADHD diagnosis. It was still questionable as to whether that was the real issue, or whether J's problems were more anxiety based.
It wasn't until this year, kindergarten, that the problems J has been having have really escalated. It's not necessarily that her symptoms are getting worse, but that the learning expectations they have for kindergartners are much more than a preschooler, therefore the struggles she has to meet those expectations are greater. So upon several troubling email exchanges between her teacher and myself, on top of the MANY problems that only seemed to be getting worse at home, we made an appointment with J's pediatrician who sent home a "survey" for her teacher to fill out. I made a copy of this filled out survey and gave it to Jane. Both now say she definitely meets all the criteria for ADHD.
I feel like I'm writing a novel, and going on much more will only bore the MAYBE 2.4 people who might POSSIBLY read this will immediately vacate and never come back. My hope is that my family's experiences with this journey can help others in their own journeys in raising special children. Not all of our experiences make me want to pull my hair out, then hide in a locked bathroom with a large bottle of booze.... some of the "symptoms" of ADHD are actually quite the opposite... but that's for another day. Thanks for reading!
