I am not a failure...I am NOT a failure

I am not a failure. I have to repeat this to myself often, particularly in the last few trying weeks. There are some days I can't even convince myself this. I read a blog post yesterday from a woman who has two children, both who have ADHD. It was talking about how many people don't believe this condition exists. At one point she stated something along the lines of this: "If you are a person who doesn't believe ADHD exists, then obviously you don't have it, nor have you had to watch your children struggle. Lucky you." There is nothing like this feeling of being a complete failure as a parent, watching your children not only struggle academically, but to also watch them be completely out of control, doing crap you KNOW you've taught them is wrong (or as I call it, "making bad choices"), trying to get them under control and listen, and not succeeding. Of course, people stare at you like, "get your mother-flipping kids under control lady." Eventually you just break down and cry. I can't tell you how often I have cried in the last few weeks with all that's going on with J, as well as with R who is completely our of control and because he is only four, there isn't really much we can do about it from a resource aspect.
The feelings of loneliness I think is the worst part. There are no support groups (at least in my area) for children with special needs. If there is a general "special needs" support group- I doubt we would be welcome; the disorder ADHD really is seen as a bit cliche' and almost viewed by many as just an excuse for misbehaving children: The author of yesterday's blog wasn't wrong about that fact. It's also hard to maintain friendships when you are constantly feeling so tense with stress nothing makes you smile, it's at that point when friendships, and adult contact is so important for keeping one's sanity. There are "friends" who have blown me off for other friends, which is something I thought was supposed to end with High School. But, there are also friends who have actually met me for lunch, or whatever it may be... for them I am eternally grateful, they have no idea how a few minutes of uninterrupted adult chat maintains my sanity. Of course there are the friends who have just as little time as me due to their own life issues: YAY Adulthood!
Regardless of friendships, or whatever it is I've rambled about, at the end of the day I'm just so tired of trying my damndness to succeed as a parent, and falling on my face every day. I literally just called the kids into the house and ushered them up the stairs to their rooms for harassing our neighbors, again (knocking on their doors and asking for stuff), when they knew full and well they were supposed to stay in the yard. This is actually new today- they are usually very good about staying in the yard. I mean, we've got an acre and a half of land to play in, no need to leave! So now, it's time to go up there and have the same conversation we already had once today. Wish me luck (more like patience).