Haven't posted in awhile... haven't had a whole lot to talk about since J started meds and in the just over two months she was on them before school let out, she went from looking at the possibility of repeated kindergarten, to being almost caught up with her fellow classmates. I don't just attribute this to her meds though, she had many dedicated teachers, and an incredible desire to learn to go with them. Without those other two components, I don't think meds would have had much of an impact. Which leads me to the main theme of this post...
ADHD and depression often go hand in hand, particularly in adulthood. Without treated both issues, the treatment of just one generally deems ineffective. I am currently struggling with this problem with the husband... not that he would admit it, nor would he be happy with me if he knew I was broadcasting it over the internet, but who cares, it's not like he's happy with me half the time anyway these days it seems.
The husband has been diagnosed, and medicated off and on for ADHD since he was three, in 1979. Yes, I said 1979, of which back then ADHD was a foreign concept. Because of this foreign concept that ADHD was, he was basically a guinea pig and tried several different meds over the years and even spent some time in State Institutions (if you ask me, this was probably a result of negative side affects of these various drug trials).
Over the years, and as he got older and more in control of his own livelihood, he spent much of his late teens and early twenties completely un-medicated, turning to drugs and alcohol to cope with his "defects." This is an incredibly common scenario with adults who suffer from ADHD that's largely left untreated, or managed poorly. Depression comes along with it when left untreated... they get to the point where they feel hopeless, and possibly have come to accept that they are stupid, worthless, lazy, or whatever it is they have had engrained into their minds over the course of their childhood.
I'm proud of my husband in many respects since we started dating, and although we still have many battles left to fight when it comes to his conditions, he has really come a long way from where he was when we first met. He stopped drinking and got back on Ritalin. A couple years later, he began his own business after many run-ins with bosses who couldn't handle having an employee who was smarter than them... and had no problem TELLING them so (another adult ADHD issue... lack of a "filter" most people possess that helps us think before we act, or say something stupid, also known as issues with impulsiveness).
His business has done quite well, and he currently has more work than he can handle and has had to turn people down as of late... which sucks, but I suppose it's a GOOD problem. His work suits him quite well too, because the "job" is constantly changing... although if he ends up being stuck at one job too long, the motivation to finish often is affected. Adults with ADHD often flourish in a job of which the surroundings and "tasks" are constantly changing.
The husband is still plagued by things though, which I attribute to depression stemming from his life of constant struggles. (I should input here that I am NOT a psychologist and have zero "professional" training... only the life experience of being SURROUNDED by ADHD, and the years of constant personal research about it to help the people I love, and MYSELF, cope) Of course, you can't TELL him any of this, because he immediately, regardless of how "light" you attempt to make the conversation, goes into defensive mode and shuts down emotionally... unless you want to count the emotion of anger, which I believe is masking his true emotions of guilt and hopelessness. His med doctor once tried to put him on a "mood stabilizer." Those meds are still sitting in my medicine cabinet a year later, with only two missing. Husband's excuse/reasoning? he didn't like the way they made him feel. And even after him watching me with my OWN struggles of anxiety/depression and the roller coaster of an emotional ride it is to find the RIGHT medication to suit your own chemical make-up and needs... he is just convinced that because MAYBE this ONE medication (after two days, an antidepressant hasn't gotten into your system enough to even know if it works for you or not) didn't work, NONE of them will...it's that whole "hopelessness" thing, you know...
So, the question is: how do you help a person like this make the changes that are needed in order to be a HAPPY, emotionally stable, MOTIVATED, member of society/family??? I wish I had the answer for that, but as it is right now, I'm at a loss.
No comments:
Post a Comment